We used to love to sit in front of each other and talk for hours. We used love each others presence. She would always care for me from the very beginning. Our EQ was in the same level. Our thought processes were alike. Our value systems were matching too.
But there was a gap which I could not see it.
We used to give each other cute small gifts. We used to go together and sit together. People used to suspicious about our ways. We used to smile and laugh together. We used to wink at each other. We used to understand our each little hint for each other.
But there was a difference which I could not make out.
We used to care for each other. We used to share every bit of our daily happenings with each other. We used to share our sorrows and our small happiness with each other. We used to comfort and console each other.
Yet there was something missing which I could not sense it.
My love was budding for her. My admiration was growing for her. I used to adore her. I used to stay close to her all the time. I felt a blank when she was not there with me. I felt a sense of satisfaction when she was around me. I felt for her. I fell for her.
Finally, I made a decision one day without knowing the consequence.
I waited for everybody to vacant the room for lunch. I stole my opportunity. I came to her desk. I smiled and sat in front of her desk. I looked at her smiling face and smiled back. I said, “I wanna confess something.” She looked curious and said, “Go on…” I said, “I think I need you in my life forever.” I saw her face glow. She looked down and said, “I have the same feeling for you…” The whole world looked pink and green. Everything seemed good and beautiful. The heart was filled with joy and happiness.
All these happened just after three months of our friendship. And just after three months, we broke up. I didn’t even know whether she was really had any such feelings for me or not, as she never made herself clear on this matter. May be I misunderstood her. And there were so many, ‘MAY BEs’
It was December when we broke up. It was the worst Christmas and New Year (in the very next year) experience of my life. I was down, I was sad, I was miserable. I was broken, I was shattered, I was blank. I was cursing and cursing and cursing myself for confessing my feelings to her. I was regretting for losing a great friend. I was suffering for my hasty decision. I made a real mess of my friendship by naming it. I should have waited for little more months. I should have waited on God in prayer a bit more. I made a mess. I made a mess. I made a mess. I was not able to forgive myself. It’s my fault and it was my mess.
But this mess taught me a lesson, changed my perspective, and gave me a new life.
I learned that it is always good to wait for the right time to name a friendship, a relationship. It is never good to be in haste and decide anything in respect of a lifetime relationship.
My perspective changed in respect of understanding the emotional responses of a female.
I was angry on her that time and decided I will show her who I am. Later I had to go through a very tough time but I found a new me in that suffering. The incident really challenged me to live, to get married, and to lead a great life. And that’s what happened later on by the grace of God. I became matured in respect to my emotion and feelings. And now I could help others those who go through relationship problems. I forgave her and forgot the incident.
I can only summarize, a mess of hasty decision taught me a lesson for lifetime.